Poems

Shane West- Bridgford

Spotty young yobbos
Thieving and fighting
The Observer film critic
finds them “very exciting”.

Jumbo sized Sharons
Chasing council house clowns
Has the middle class queuing
From Broadway to Brownes.

Throw in a sharp dialogue
like “gi us a wank”
And you’ll be laughing like me
all the way to the bank.

I’m off to Provence now
to party and rave
As I fly over Skeggie
I’ll give them a wave.

Laser Louts

“We’ve missed Iraq and hit Kuwait”,
The Laser Lout’s exclaim.

“The oilfields have disappeared,
you should have seen the flame.
”Be-el-zebush is in a huff and
blames poor Colin Powell.
Ford’s boss is seeking counselling and
Datsun’s disembowelled.
The Tory gang have turned to drugs
and “Two Jags” looks real grim.
He’s never walked on common ground
since Labour got back in.

Iraq National Anthem (first verse)

From Colonel Sanders mansion
to Mickey Mouse’s Bank,
God Blitz America
and all those fat cat yanks

Donald Rumsfeld had a war (Old European Nursery Rhyme)

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there were some bombs
E-I-E-I-O

With a Bomb – Bomb here
And a Bomb – Bomb there
Here a Bomb, there a Bomb
Everywhere a Bomb – Bomb

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there was a Blair
E-I-E-I-O

With a Blair – Blair here
And a Blair – Blair there
Butt licking, French kicking
Never trust a Blair – Blair

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there was some Sand
E-I-E-I-O

With a Sandstorm here
And a Sandstorm there
Here Sand, there Sand
Everyfuckingwhere Sand

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there was a Hoon
E-I-E-I-O

With a Hoon – Hoon here
And a Hoon – Hoon there
Here Hoon, there Hoon
Everyone a Hoon Dog

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there were some Scuds
E-I-E-I-O

With a Scud – Scud here
And a Scud – Scud there
Here a Scud, there a Scud
Everyone a Dud – Dud

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there was a Bush
E-I-E-I-O

With a Bush – Bush here
And a Bush – Bush there
Vote robbing, draft dodging
Stick him in the Chain gang

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-I-O

And in that war there were some Lies
E-I-E-I-O

With some Lies – Lies here
And some Lies – Lies there
Big Lies, Wapping Lies
Everywhere Lies – Lies

Bomb – Bomb here
Bomb – Bomb there

Here a Bomb, there a Bomb
Everywhere a Bomb – Bomb
Blair – Blair here
Blair – Blair there

Here Blair, there Blair
Never trust a Blair – Blair

Sand – Sand here
Sand – Sand there
Here Sand, there Sand
Everyfuckingwhere Sand

Hoon – Hoon here
Hoon – Hoon there
Here a Hoon, there a Hoon
Everyone a Hoon Dog

Scud – Scud here
Scud – Scud there
Here a Scud, there a Scud
Everyone a Dud – Dud

Bush – Bush here
Bush – Bush there
Here a Bush, there a Bush
Stick him in the Chain gang

Lies – Lies here
Lies – Lies there
Here Lies, there Lies
Everywhere Lies – Lies

Donald Rumsfeld had a war
E-I-E-F-O!

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